... you can bank on it ...

Well done Lloyds. It used to be that I could walk into my local branch and get the lack of service instantly - you remember over 10 years ago - when you completely messed up my remortgage to pay for building work on my house - so instead of the agreed four weeks it took over twelve - and remember that amusing instance - when I dared to suggest to the bank manager that the branch was incompetent - and you threatened to bankrupt me - and then I complained - to his manager in Kingston - and well in three days the problem was sorted - and the abusinve manager was made to apologise to me. Well I sort of miss this sort of personal - erm lack of service - rather than a remote lack of service.

Then bank managers - and I agree you should have got rid of the last one - were replaced with part time customer care 'mangers' - so when I phoned my local branch - I used to get routed to a Lloyd's call centre in Feltham. The staff at the centre were badly trained - I know this as I also use the direct line bank - as it always took a number of calls to get anything done - and then I would have to check it had been done - and then I'd have to phone again - but it sort of improved my number of social contacts. Still I could live with the system - as I could always get an appointment to talk to a helpful customer care manager, who, had absolutely no authority - but could - sometimes - find their way around the bank's system better than me.

Anyway Lloyds are now going to improve the system even further. I have been sent a letter saying that they have An improved service for me - and a pin number so that I can talk them. So instead of dealing with a slightly incompetent local call centre I will in future be dealing with a centralised 0845 number, which will be open - longer than my bank. The new system will be quick and secure.

But I've got to phone them up and give them a new 6 digit number before I can talk to anyone - and if its numbers it means that - and we all know this - it is going to be some sort of robot voice - telling me to press 'the third third digit of my pin number' - which will put me through to an electronic Vivaldi - while I wait my happy turn in the queue - which will be interrupted on the wrong beat by - a badly recorded voice tell me that - my call is important to us - and you know something it isn't

... and I don't have an easy to remember 6 digit number - I have sets of 4 and lots of passwords - but 6 is a bad combination of numbers to remember. Why can't it be like the old system find my cheque book - which means phoning wife - and being told its in my jacket pocket - and then telling the account number and being asked personal questions - such as my birthday - and if you know why don't send me a card - or my mother's maiden name - which is Miss.

... the reality is that the only reason we're keeping the account open is that we can't face the hassle of dealing with Lloyds to close it.