... once apon a time ...

... there was an Iain Duncan Smith. He was a quiet man. He was a decisive man. He was a leader. Except for the fact that he always seemed to be alone. Except for some very frightened people in the playground.

To fight the evil Portillio, Iain sent his best people around a territory called Europe to find the Secret of Life - or as Ian called it 'To make Public Service' work.

The travellers returned with stories of great wonder - medical services that worked, integrated transport systems, proper regional development and many more such wonders.

And Iain asked. "What is the source of all this wonder?"

One traveller said. "I have seen the secret. Wait until there is a rainbow and then follow the rainbow to the end. There you will meet a man in a green coat and he will give you untold wealth. Use the wealth wisely and you can build the world's greatest Public Services."

Iain waited and then one day it rained. In the sky was a beautiful a rainbow. Iain looked at it and asked decisively. "Should I follow the rainbow?"

"Yes." shouted his companions.

So off he set with his companions following the rainbow. They travelled day after day following the rainbow, until he arrived in a strange country. There in a valley the rainbow came to earth.

They walked down to the glow and found a large pot of gold. They stood and stared.



One of Iain's companions picked up some coins and ran them threw his fingers.

"We're saved" he shouted joyously. "We can pay for the improvements in public service without putting up taxes."

"Yes." said Iain ecstatically, but quietly.

"Oh no" said his companion. "Look at the coins."

"They're er - oh no."

"Yes they're ..."

But Iain Duncan Smith could not say the word euro. They left the secret place saddened.

The rain stopped. The rainbow disappeared. As did the pot of gold.