... I bet there's a latin name for it ...
I have a weird phobia.
I get paranoid about electrically controlled windows in cars. At the back of my mind is what would happen if the windows were down and a lion jumped on the bonnet - and I panicked - and stalled the car - and the lion ate me - because I can't wind the windows up.
... and to think when I was in South Africa the only wild animals I saw in the game park were giraffes and a hippo - well and monkeys - and tourists - and a man on a bike with a shotgun.
Giraffes are interesting. Although they are big and stand in clearing - you often don't see them until close to. It is usually safe to leave the windows down when they are around - as down low is difficult for them. Smuggling one through customs was quite hard - we hid it in a clump of trees.
OK electric windows My wife's car has one million and one controls. NASA eat your heart out - so when I've driven this huge thing the size of a bus - through traffic - and then I am lining up to get into the car park - you know the type - where you have to get a ticket. Well this involves winding down the window. So I am in the queue - and for once I am the person at the front - holding the rest of the queue up - when it occurred to me that I have to put my hand through the window to pick up...
... the ticket being printed and pushed out in a tantalising way by the ticket machine.
Desperate search for non-existent wind down handle. Don't find it.
Panic.
Discover that attempting to put hand through window - which has not been open - is - well - very painful.
Desperate press of buttons.
Alarms man who hooted as lights flash - wipers wipe - squirty things squirt - air blasters blast - and radio changes. Man looks away - what me press hooter - me no want to be killed by mad person. Man takes interest in the concrete of car park - a good example of neo classical National Car Park architecture I have ever seen.
Eventually find right - press - window hums - does not open.
Press button - other way - window opens a quarter of an inch.
Stab at button - window jerks down a little. Repeat - a little further down - learn the fundamental law of opening electrically controlled window keep your finger pressed down on button. Window opens.
Then I regret not doing more in maths - particularly Pythagoras - car at an angle to ticket machine - trapped in by driver behind - who is pretending I am invisible - I can't reach the ticket - lean over - still can't - get cramps - look back at following driver for moral support - he cowers.
Tried to open door - this is blocked by big concrete thing - to stop motorists crashing into parking ticket machine - open it a little - siddle out - one foot on ground - push body through window - stretch - get ticket - place in mouth - smile at man behind and the six or seven other cars behind.
stay within line markings
Get into seat - start car - go through barrier - go to top floor - this car is brilliant as every time you turn to go up the ramps at 8 miles an hour the tyres squeal - Starsky and Hutch - I'm with you man. Its always easy to park on the roof. Walk around - admire downtown Twickenham.
A woman appears from nowhere and gets into lift. As I get in I look the way she came - no entrance - no exit - just wall.
Ghost? - mad woman - not sure - feel tense - breathe in - cigarette smoke - solution found.
Had an entertaining time talking to the police - had a nicer time eating a bacon butty and chat with cafe manger.
"The bacon smells nice"
"Yes it does."
"Brown or white bread?"
"Brown, please, and can I have a large cappuccino."
Such is the fast repartee that is Pau Odtaa.
Leaving was quite uneventful except ...
... for the fact I forgot which car park I was in - so...
... I went down the up ramp - tires screaming - I must have hit 9 mph on the turn - people turned to watch me - admiring my techniques I thought - until ...
... I saw the down ramp.
Only went for the non-existent handle before I would the window down -and was able to hand over my money properly - except for the small coins that had fallen behind the dash board.
Arrived home safely.
I get paranoid about electrically controlled windows in cars. At the back of my mind is what would happen if the windows were down and a lion jumped on the bonnet - and I panicked - and stalled the car - and the lion ate me - because I can't wind the windows up.
... and to think when I was in South Africa the only wild animals I saw in the game park were giraffes and a hippo - well and monkeys - and tourists - and a man on a bike with a shotgun.
Giraffes are interesting. Although they are big and stand in clearing - you often don't see them until close to. It is usually safe to leave the windows down when they are around - as down low is difficult for them. Smuggling one through customs was quite hard - we hid it in a clump of trees.
OK electric windows My wife's car has one million and one controls. NASA eat your heart out - so when I've driven this huge thing the size of a bus - through traffic - and then I am lining up to get into the car park - you know the type - where you have to get a ticket. Well this involves winding down the window. So I am in the queue - and for once I am the person at the front - holding the rest of the queue up - when it occurred to me that I have to put my hand through the window to pick up...
... the ticket being printed and pushed out in a tantalising way by the ticket machine.
Desperate search for non-existent wind down handle. Don't find it.
Panic.
Discover that attempting to put hand through window - which has not been open - is - well - very painful.
Desperate press of buttons.
Alarms man who hooted as lights flash - wipers wipe - squirty things squirt - air blasters blast - and radio changes. Man looks away - what me press hooter - me no want to be killed by mad person. Man takes interest in the concrete of car park - a good example of neo classical National Car Park architecture I have ever seen.
Eventually find right - press - window hums - does not open.
Press button - other way - window opens a quarter of an inch.
Stab at button - window jerks down a little. Repeat - a little further down - learn the fundamental law of opening electrically controlled window keep your finger pressed down on button. Window opens.
Then I regret not doing more in maths - particularly Pythagoras - car at an angle to ticket machine - trapped in by driver behind - who is pretending I am invisible - I can't reach the ticket - lean over - still can't - get cramps - look back at following driver for moral support - he cowers.
Tried to open door - this is blocked by big concrete thing - to stop motorists crashing into parking ticket machine - open it a little - siddle out - one foot on ground - push body through window - stretch - get ticket - place in mouth - smile at man behind and the six or seven other cars behind.
Get into seat - start car - go through barrier - go to top floor - this car is brilliant as every time you turn to go up the ramps at 8 miles an hour the tyres squeal - Starsky and Hutch - I'm with you man. Its always easy to park on the roof. Walk around - admire downtown Twickenham.
A woman appears from nowhere and gets into lift. As I get in I look the way she came - no entrance - no exit - just wall.
Ghost? - mad woman - not sure - feel tense - breathe in - cigarette smoke - solution found.
Had an entertaining time talking to the police - had a nicer time eating a bacon butty and chat with cafe manger.
"The bacon smells nice"
"Yes it does."
"Brown or white bread?"
"Brown, please, and can I have a large cappuccino."
Such is the fast repartee that is Pau Odtaa.
Leaving was quite uneventful except ...
... for the fact I forgot which car park I was in - so...
... I went down the up ramp - tires screaming - I must have hit 9 mph on the turn - people turned to watch me - admiring my techniques I thought - until ...
... I saw the down ramp.
Only went for the non-existent handle before I would the window down -and was able to hand over my money properly - except for the small coins that had fallen behind the dash board.
Arrived home safely.
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