... thanks for the upgrade bill ...

Hi Bill,

Remember that automated upgrade to my Windows 2000 system. Well there is this fantastic feature which if you press down the shift button for 8 seconds - like when you are thinking or watching something on the TV - I am a multi-tasker - then this message box flashes up telling you something about a new disability feature - well at this stage Magnum got into a fight and a girl screamed - and well I clicked something on the box and it went away.

Magnum, I like quality TV, was now in a car chase - then the phone rang and well after that I then decided to go and get a cup of coffee and well I got talking and we concluded that if Ulrika Jonsson wanted to have a relationship - then she should have one with someone like us cos - if one of us said 'I've slept with Ulrika Jonsson' no one would believe us - but then I pointed out that if I did have an affair with Ulrika Jonsson - well my wife would kill me.

And well I came back to my computer and starting typing - and watching Magnum getting patronised by that English guy who gives him a lot of grief - so I didn't notice that although I was typing on the keyboard - that nothing was coming out on the screen - because Bill your disability thing had automatically switched itself on - and you had to press each key for around half an hour for a letter to appear.

I had forgotten about the warning message and then dismantled my mouse to clean it, climbed under the desk, banged my head, pulled my are muscles trying to stretch too far - then pulled the computer out to check the cable - the mouse was alright, but I then had to work out where the other cables are supposed to go back - got the sound system all wrong. Start again lying under the desk, my glasses fell off and leant on them with my shoulder and so I now have bent frames. I'm really going to impress at my presentation later to day. arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!

Had another coffee. Worked out the Catherine Zeta Jones is attracted to Michael Douglas rather than me in that he's probably better looking (not in my mirror), richer, works in the same business as her, is sophisticated and has actually met her

Checked my computer system and eventually found the control panel of the new feature and turned it off.

Good feature - not good for me - I've learnt yet more about the Windows 2000 system than I need.

Bloody, Bloody, Bloody

Thank you Bill