... these boots weren't made for walking ...

... erm sorry George - but you really are going to have to postpone the war on Iraq - you see - we have - erm - a slight problem with military supplies - erm it seems that as was reported in the Odtaa Files - October 31st - erm well the British army - hasn't got any boots.

Well strictly speaking that's not completely right - we have boots size 1 and size 7 - which means we can equip a few soldiers - in fact we have given some soldiers two left boots. There is also the other problem George - which is - that their - erm - boots - we do have - erm - melt in the desert.

OK - I know - the army surplus stores are full of old British army boots - that have been tested in deserts - but they are not the same as the new standard issue boots - which are the only ones we authorised to give our troops.

So if you need support - we can send troops in bare feet or in trainers. That's if we can get our transport planes organised - and we can work out how to use our tanks in the sand - or we can figure out a way to keep our guns firing - and the troops can start getting their mobile phone contracts sorted - so that we've got at least some form of communication.

Love and kisses Tony