... meanwhile in a remote location in Iraq ...

... the armaments inspectors assistant said

Erm - I think I've found one

What?

A weapon of mass destruction - in fact lots of them

Where?

Just behind this door.

What have you found?

Well I think I've found a nuclear bomb - see over there - next to the boxes marked - erm - oh yes - 'Toxic Chemicals- Agent Orange '

Lets have a better look - yes - we'll have to walk around all these missiles and what's that over there - a chemistry set - argh yes - no - it seems to be more a biology class - look at that sign - what a funny way to spell Anthrax.

Yes my Geiger counter is definitely detecting radio activity - must be a bomb - hey look there's dozen's of them over there.

Right - I suppose we'd better report it.

Erm - no - because if we do that - what happens then - yes - George Bush will start bombing - he'll start bombing immediately - and - he'll be bombing Iraq - and this bit of Iraq...

... we are - erm - actually - in Iraq - in the target zone and - Saddam might extend in hospitality - wouldn't we like some sweet tea - Quality Street chocolates - rest our weary eyes - and have a magnificent view - perhaps in the penthouse of this building.

... and anyway - we've only been here a couple of weeks - erm - you seem to be forgetting the main reason we're here.

What? - to protect the free world from the evil of the Iraqi empire?

Of course not.

To enforce the will of the UN in a troubled region? - leading to peace and prosperity for all?

No - I mean the real reason.

Oh to be paid a ludicrously high consultancy rate - collect our fees - and get out - before George attacks anyway.

Right.

So its another Weapons of Mass Destruction - Not Found Report then.

Er - yes - pass the expenses form while you're there.